The Cockeyed Cowboys of Calico County 1970

Charley begins corresponding with Ellen and saves for her train ticket

Shy, naive Charley Bicker begins corresponding with a potential mail-order bride named Ellen and saves all his money for her train ticket to Calico. He keeps the plan secret from almost everyone except the storekeeper, who helps move things along.

The storekeeper orders a wedding ring and a crowd gathers

The storekeeper sends off for a wedding ring to seal the plan, and word leaks through town. When Charley goes to meet his bride at the station, a crowd gathers, eager to witness the moment.

Ellen misses the train; Charley is humiliated

The bride does not arrive on the train, and Charley is humiliated in front of the crowd. To avoid further embarrassment, he asserts that the whole thing was a joke.

Kittrick, the nearly-blind bounty hunter, arrives

A nearly-blind bounty hunter named Kittrick arrives in Calico and struggles to find his way to the sheriff's office. His presence unsettles the townsfolk as they consider what he is after.

The townspeople panic and plan a fake Ellen

With Charley cast as the town's laughing stock, merchants fear they can't repair wagons without him. To avert economic chaos, the town decides to simulate Ellen's arrival and find someone to impersonate her for a few days.

Sadie agrees to impersonate Ellen

Sadie, the saloon girl, initially refuses the scheme but is swayed by social disapproval and agrees to impersonate Ellen. She hopes to present herself as an equal among the respectable ladies.

Charley and Sadie strike a deal and plan a visit to the new house

Charley and Sadie meet and Charley is moved by her kindness; he reveals he has fixed up a house for them to live in and says they will marry if she consents. They plan to visit the house the next day.

Mrs. Bester explains the town's plan to Sadie

That evening Mrs. Bester tells Sadie that the other women know who she really is, but want her to marry Charley so their husbands won't go to the saloon. Sadie wrestles with pride and the weight of the deception.

Roger Hand confronts Sadie and the standoff at the saloon

Roger Hand goes to visit Sadie at the saloon and learns she is being courted by Charley, sparking jealousy. The saloon patrons pull guns on him and order him to leave town, and he agrees to walk away with Sadie.

The sheriff uses a Panama Jack ruse to target Roger

The sheriff discovers Kittrick is in town to capture the outlaw Panama Jack and uses a wanted poster to make Panama Jack look like Roger Hand, tricking the crowd into calling Roger by the outlaw's name. The deception deepens the tension in the town.

Kittrick opens fire; Roger flees on horseback

Kittrick starts shooting at Roger, who dashes onto a horse and races out of town with Kittrick in pursuit. The chase heightens the town's sense of danger as the plans unravel.

Sadie returns to the saloon in a revealing outfit and performs

Sadie returns to the saloon wearing a revealing costume and sings a song about not caring, embracing her role in the ruse. The performance tests the residents' disapproval and her own resolve.

Charley secures the key to the house for Sadie

Charley visits the Bester house and asks Mrs. Bester to give Sadie the key to the house he fixed up, signaling that he won't need it himself. The exchange marks a practical step toward their life together.

Mrs. Bester comments on Sadie's feelings for Charley

Mrs. Bester discusses Sadie's affection for Charley and hints at the community's backing of their union. The conversation underscores the town's complicity in the ruse.