Prayers for Bobby 2009

Mary Griffith is a devout Christian who raises her four children—Ed Griffith, Bobby Griffith, Joy Griffith, and Nancy Griffith—in Walnut Creek, California, during the late 1970s and early 1980s, guided by the evangelical teachings of their local Presbyterian church. At first, the home feels loving, but it slowly reveals a tension born of strict expectations and a belief that life should follow a narrow script.

During a family gathering for their grandmother’s birthday, Bobby hesitates as homophobic jokes and comments echo around the room. When his sister gifts their grandmother a journal but is rebuked, she lets Bobby keep it, turning the pages into a private outlet where he writes about anxiety, fear, and a deep sense of isolation. He experiences discomfort as he navigates early relationships, including a moment when kissing his girlfriend makes him uneasy about sex, leading to a quiet, painful breakup. A visit to a local gay bar ends in exhaustion, and on his way out he notices the nearby Metropolitan Community Church. He later tells Mary that he had been at church, a revelation that unsettles her but also plants a seed of doubt about her assumptions.

Robert Griffith discovers Bobby after a suicide attempt, an overdose of aspirin. Bobby confides that he is gay and begs him not to reveal this to Mary. Out of concern, Robert Griffith chooses to share the truth with Mary, who remains hopeful that willpower and faith might guide him through the struggle. The family then enlists a conversion therapist who treats Bobby coolly, blaming inadequate parenting and urging prayer, church involvement, and a closer bond between Bobby and his father. Through a camping trip with Ed and Robert Griffith, Bobby explains his dream of becoming a writer, a dream his father dismisses as unrealistic. In the pursuit of Mary’s approval, Bobby makes efforts to fit the mold, but the hostile environment—both church and community—drives him deeper into withdrawal and despair.

Over time, the father and siblings grow more comfortable with Bobby’s sexuality, yet Mary clings to the hope that spiritual healing is possible. Summer brings Bobby to Portland, where his cousin Jeanette offers warmth and understanding, helping him realize that his mother may never change. Jeanette introduces him to a safe space in a gay bar and introduces him to David, with whom Bobby shares a summer romance. David cautions that acceptance can come, but its pace is slow, and his own parents eventually become more accepting of his sexuality. Nonetheless, Mary’s love remains complicated, and she tells Bobby that she will not have a gay son, a line that deepens his hurt.

Back home, Bobby makes drastic choices—dropping out of high school and moving to Portland. The distance strains Bobby’s relationship with David, who grows distant as Bobby’s depression and self-loathing intensify. A painful moment occurs when Bobby sees David leave a gay bar with another man, pushing him toward a breaking point. In a desperate act born from years of isolation and fear, he hurls himself from a bridge into the path of an oncoming eighteen-wheeler. He dies instantly, and the family is shattered by the news.

At the funeral, the local priest’s remarks contribute to an already painful scene, and Jeanette expresses her disgust with Mary’s attitudes. Mary then discovers Bobby’s journal and reads the unspoken feelings Bobby never shared with her. The experience unsettles her, prompting a deep personal crisis about the meaning of scripture and her own role in Bobby’s pain. Her search leads her to the reverend of the Metropolitan Community Church who challenges her interpretations and introduces her to PFLAG, a community for Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. Months pass as Mary confronts hard truths and recalls her sense that Bobby was different from the start, a realization that brings tears of remorse.

Embracing accountability, Mary delivers a public speech at a city council meeting in support of a local “gay day.” She speaks honestly about the struggle to reconcile faith with love, acknowledging that her earlier beliefs amounted to bigotry and dehumanizing slander. She ends with a powerful reminder: “a child is listening.” Although the proposal is rejected, Mary’s resolve remains. The family travels to San Francisco with fellow PFLAG members to walk in the Pride parade, where Mary encounters a young man who reminds her of Bobby. She approaches him, they share a quiet embrace, and she reaffirms her commitment to fighting for gay rights alongside her family, walking forward with renewed purpose in support of love and acceptance for all.