What Is Vampires Suck About?
The premise of Vampires Suck in 315 words, with nothing given away. The full story follows below.
In the off‑beat town of Sporks, high‑school junior Becca finds herself thrust into a whirlwind of first‑love dilemmas and family quirks the moment she moves in with her well‑meaning but overprotective father. The town itself hums with a quirky charm—its pastel storefronts and gossip‑filled diner serving as a backdrop for the everyday dramas that feel both larger than life and painfully ordinary. Amid the rush of lockers slamming and hallway chatter, the film settles into a breezy, tongue‑in‑cheek tone that mixes classic teen comedy with a hint of absurdist humor, inviting the audience to laugh at the chaos while rooting for the characters’ growth.
Becca’s social circle is a colorful web of friends each wrestling with their own tangled relationships, from awkward crushes to friendship rifts that echo the universal push‑and‑pull of adolescence. Two potential boyfriends hover on the periphery of her thoughts, each embodying a different kind of teenage fantasy and prompting her to question what she truly wants from romance. Meanwhile, her father’s controlling instincts, though born of love, add an extra layer of comic tension as he navigates the delicate balance between protecting his daughter and letting her spread her wings. The dynamic between parent and teen feels both familiar and fresh, highlighting the generational gap with sharp wit and genuine affection.
As prom night looms on the horizon, the stakes feel simultaneously high and hilariously low‑key; the upcoming dance becomes a symbolic finish line for the year’s emotional roller coaster. The film captures that anticipatory buzz—glittering decorations, whispered rumors, and the promise of a night where everything could change—without revealing any of the twists that lie ahead. Through its lively dialogue, vibrant setting, and a cast of relatable characters, the story paints a portrait of growing up that is as funny as it is heartfelt, leaving viewers eager to see how these intertwined lives will ultimately resolve their tangled, teenage hearts.
What Happens in Vampires Suck?
The complete story of Vampires Suck, from the first scene to the last, in 610 words (about 3 minutes). Spoilers throughout. Names in the text link to 3 cast member pages.
Spoilers ahead
Becca Crane, portrayed by Jenn Proske, relocates to the quirky town of Sporks to live with her oblivious father, Sheriff Frank, played by Diedrich Bader, after her mother begins an affair with the famous golfer Tiger Woods. As she settles into her new life, Becca soon finds herself caught up in a series of bizarre murders that have left the community on edge, with the culprits being blamed on Canadians. However, the true culprits are a group of vampires who, quite comically, are often mistaken for the Black Eyed Peas. This humor is highlighted in a memorable scene where a fisherman fearfully identifies them as the band, eliciting a pained response from one of the vampires.
As Becca navigates her new high school, she quickly makes friends, including Jennifer, played by Anneliese Van Der Pol, though she is particularly fascinated by the enigmatic Edward Sullen, portrayed by Matt Lanter. The chemistry between Becca and Edward is palpable, even as he expresses his discomfort with her tuna-like scent during biology class. One fateful day, when Becca narrowly escapes being hit by a van in the school parking lot, Edward displays his mysterious powers by saving her in a shocking manner—by pushing another student into harm’s way while remaining unscathed himself.
After much investigation, Becca confidently theorizes about Edward’s true nature, mistakenly believing he is a Jonas Brother. Edward corrects her revelation, admitting that he is indeed a vampire who only drinks animal blood (and enjoys the Real Housewives of Atlanta), while also showcasing his dazzling accessories. As the pair fall for each other, Edward introduces Becca to his vampire family during a birthday celebration. In a gripping twist, a simple paper cut leads to a life-threatening frenzy when one of the vampires, Jeremiah, lunges at her. Edward’s protective instincts kick in as he defends Becca, solidifying their deepening bond.
In the aftermath of a dramatic encounter with fellow vampires, Edward realizes the inherent danger he poses to Becca and chooses to break up with her in a heart-wrenching moment, leaving her devastated. Despite her grief, Becca embraces dangerous activities in hopes of rekindling Edward’s ghostly image in her mind, while finding solace in her childhood friend Jacob White, played by Christopher N. Riggi. During an intense confrontation with the nomadic vampires, Jacob taps into his werewolf abilities to rescue her.
Meanwhile, Edward, attempting to cope with his heartbreak, has relocated to Rio de Janeiro and is now involved with Lady Gaga. His emotional turmoil escalates when he learns from his prophetic sister that Becca is contemplating suicide. In an act of defiance against his own existence, Edward decides to reveal himself at the upcoming school prom, hoping to provoke the powerful vampire coven known as the Zolturi into killing him. As he prepares for this ultimate sacrifice, Edward’s sister warns Becca that she needs to show him she is still alive.
Arriving at the prom, Becca maneuvers through the chaotic fan-girl rivalry between Edward’s and Jacob’s admirers, desperately trying to reach Edward before he can expose himself. Just as the atmosphere becomes electric with tension, twilight creates a magical cover, allowing Becca to save Edward from the Zolturi’s wrath. However, in a climactic turn, Edward must decide between saving Becca’s life by transforming her into a vampire or facing a grim fate. In a moment of romantic commitment, he proposes marriage before granting her the gift of immortality.
The film culminates with a slapstick encounter when Edward is struck by an overzealous Jacob fan-girl, who bellows “Team Jacob, b***h!” Although the blow leaves him dazed, Becca, now a vampire, turns the tables, signaling a new chapter in their chaotic love story.
Vampires Suck Timeline: Every Key Event in Order
15 key events in the order they happen, from “Becca Moves to Sporks” to “A New Chapter Begins”. 9 events name a place, across 6 locations.
- 1
Becca Moves to Sporks
Becca Crane relocates to the quirky town of Sporks to live with her father, Sheriff Frank. This move comes after her mother begins an affair with the famous golfer Tiger Woods, setting the stage for Becca's adjustment to her new life.
Where:Sporks
- 2
Bizarre Murders Shock the Town
As Becca tries to adapt, she learns of a string of bizarre murders that have put the Sporks community on high alert. Locals blame Canadians for these crimes, but the real culprits are a group of comically misguided vampires.
Where:Sporks
- 3
Becca's High School Life
Navigating her new high school, Becca befriends Jennifer but becomes enamored with the enigmatic Edward Sullen. Their chemistry is undeniable, even as Edward humorously complains about Becca's tuna-like scent.
Where:High School in Sporks
- 4
Edward Saves Becca
One day at school, Becca narrowly avoids being hit by a van. In a shocking moment, Edward uses his mysterious powers to save her by pushing another student into harm's way, revealing his supernatural side.
Where:School Parking Lot
- 5
The Truth About Edward
After some investigation, Becca theorizes that Edward is a Jonas Brother, but he corrects her, revealing he is actually a vampire. This revelation deepens their bond as they share more personal details, including his dietary preferences.
- 6
Birthday Celebration with the Vampire Family
As Becca and Edward’s relationship blossoms, he invites her to meet his vampire family during a birthday celebration. However, a harmless paper cut leads to chaos as one of the vampires, Jeremiah, lunges for her in a frenzy.
Where:Vampire Family's Home
- 7
Edward's Heartbreaking Decision
After a dramatic encounter with other vampires, Edward recognizes the danger he poses to Becca and makes the painful decision to break up with her. This leaves Becca heartbroken and struggling to cope with her emotions.
- 8
Becca Seeks Thrills
In her grief, Becca pushes boundaries and engages in reckless activities, hoping to reconnect with the memory of Edward. She also finds comfort in her childhood friend Jacob, who offers support during this difficult time.
- 9
Jacob Saves Becca
When Becca faces a confrontation with nomadic vampires, Jacob taps into his werewolf abilities to rescue her. This act solidifies their friendship and highlights the escalating dangers they face.
- 10
Edward's Emotional Turmoil
Attempting to cope with his heartbreak, Edward moves to Rio de Janeiro and enters a relationship with Lady Gaga. However, his emotional state worsens as he learns that Becca is contemplating suicide.
Where:Rio de Janeiro
Show the other 5 events of Vampires Suck Hide the last 5 events
- 11
Edward's Defiant Decision
Determined to defy his own existence, Edward decides to reveal himself at the school prom, intending to provoke the vampire coven Zolturi into killing him. This risky choice showcases his desperation.
Where:School Prom
- 12
Becca's Race Against Time
At the prom, Becca navigates chaotic fan rivalries between Edward's and Jacob's admirers. As tensions rise, she desperately tries to reach Edward before he can expose himself to the deadly coven.
Where:School Prom
- 13
Twilight Saves Edward
Just as the atmosphere becomes electrifying and dangerous, twilight provides a magical moment that allows Becca to reach Edward just in time. She manages to thwart the Zolturi's plan and save him from danger.
Where:School Prom
- 14
The Proposal
In a moment filled with romantic intensity, Edward must make a life-altering decision: transform Becca into a vampire or face his own demise. He proposes marriage before granting her the gift of immortality.
- 15
A New Chapter Begins
The film concludes with a humorous encounter as Edward is struck by a fan-girl crying 'Team Jacob!' Becca, now transformed into a vampire, embraces her new identity and signals the beginning of their chaotic love story.
Who Are the Main Characters in Vampires Suck?
4 characters, among them Becca Crane, Edward Sullen and Sheriff Frank: who each one is and the part they play in the story. 3 of them link to the actor’s page.
- BC
Becca Crane
Played by Jenn Proske
Becca is a relatable teen who becomes embroiled in a chaotic love story with a vampire. Adaptable yet struggling with her identity, she showcases resilience in the face of supernatural challenges. Her actions reveal a longing for connection and the desire to be understood, especially as she overcomes the heartbreak of her complex relationship with Edward.
- 👩🎓 Protagonist
- ❤️ Love Interest
- 🌌 Adaptable
-
Edward Sullen
Played by Matt Lanter
Edward is the enigmatic vampire whose supernatural abilities and charm captivate Becca. His internal conflict between love and the dangers he poses adds depth to his character. As he grapples with his nature and chooses to break up with Becca for her safety, his emotional turmoil underscores the sacrifice inherent in their relationship.
- 🧛 Vampire
- 💔 Heartbroken
- 🌟 Mysterious
-
Sheriff Frank
Played by Diedrich Bader
Becca's father, Sheriff Frank, embodies the oblivious yet caring parent trope, providing comic relief amidst the supernatural chaos. His character represents the adult world's disconnect from the teenage experience, making him a humorous contrast to Becca's intense situations.
- 👮♂️ Parent
- 😂 Comic Relief
- JW
Jacob White
Jacob is Becca’s childhood friend who transforms into a werewolf, serving as a protector in times of danger. His loyalty and strength highlight themes of friendship and love, as he embodies the contrasting dynamics in Becca's life between human and supernatural conflicts.
- 🐺 Werewolf
- 👫 Friend
- 🛡️ Protector
Where and When Is Vampires Suck Set?
Vampires Suck is set in Sporks and Rio de Janeiro. Here is why the place matters to the story.
When
The movie reflects contemporary youth culture with references to pop icons like Lady Gaga and the Jonas Brothers. It combines elements of humor and drama, typical of the early 2010s, showcasing the blend of teenage angst and supernatural themes prevalent in modern vampire narratives.
Where
Sporks, Rio de Janeiro
Sporks is a quirky town where oddities abound, making it a unique setting for supernatural events. Known for its bizarre atmosphere and small-town charm, it's the perfect backdrop for Becca's adventures with vampires. In contrast, Rio de Janeiro, known for its vibrant culture and beautiful beaches, becomes a significant location as Edward seeks to escape his past.
- 🏙️ Town
- 🌎 City
What Are the Themes of Vampires Suck?
3 ideas the story keeps returning to, among them Love and Sacrifice, Supernatural Humor and Teenage Identity.
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01
Love and Sacrifice
The theme of love and sacrifice permeates the film as Edward battles with his vampiric nature to protect Becca. Their relationship is tested by misunderstandings and the ultimate decision of transformation into a vampire. This highlights the complexities of love, especially when faced with life-altering choices.
-
02
Supernatural Humor
Supernatural elements are interwoven with humor throughout the film, particularly with the misidentification of vampires as a pop band. The comedic portrayal of vampires breaks traditional horror tropes, offering a light-hearted spin on themes of fear and monstrosity in teenage life.
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03
Teenage Identity
The struggle for identity is central to Becca's journey as she navigates her new environment, friendships, and complex relationships. Similar to many teenagers, she grapples with her sense of self amidst the chaos of supernatural drama, reflecting the quest for belonging in a confusing world.
What Kind of Film Is Vampires Suck?
Light in tone, with fast pacing and a straightforward story, going by the plot summary.
- Tone
- Light
- Pacing
- Fast
- Story
- Straightforward
- Intensity
- Medium
- Ending
- Happy
A fast-paced slapstick parody that delivers a constant stream of absurd gags and cringey teen drama, feeling like a lightweight and silly take on supernatural romance tropes.
- humorous
- slapstick
- silly
- parodic
- playful
- fast-paced
- teen romance
- vampire parody
- high school drama
- coming of age
Content notes: suicide contemplation, fantasy violence.
Quiz
How well do you remember Vampires Suck? Test yourself on the story.
