Le Donk & Scor-zay-zee 2009

Aging, failed musician and roadie Le Donk is introduced to a fly-on-the-wall documentary crew, including real-life director Shane Meadows, at his Nottingham home. Scorzayzee is an aspiring rapper whom Le Donk is mentoring. Le Donk and the film crew visit the home of his former girlfriend Olivia Colman, Olivia, who is pregnant with Le Donk’s child. Le Donk becomes irate when he learns Olivia’s new boyfriend is to be her birth partner.

Le Donk, Scorzayzee, Meadows, and the film crew drive to Manchester in a Bedford Rascal, where Le Donk has been hired to assist at “Arctical” Monkeys’ gig at Old Trafford Cricket Ground. Le Donk intends to use his contacts to attain a supporting slot for Scorzayzee. Leaving the seemingly-hapless Scorzayzee to practice on his new electronic keyboard, Le Donk goes backstage and speaks to Arctic Monkeys’ guitar tech Big Nige Nigel Reeks. Scorzayzee, unable to operate or even power-on the keyboard, wanders through the cricket ground, eventually ending up on the stage, which Le Donk has left. Big Nige helps Scorzayzee hook up the keyboard to the sound system and shows him how to get some “beats.” Scorzayzee then freestyles, impressing those present. A short time later, Le Donk confirms that a short support slot has been granted. After this, it is revealed that Le Donk is to accompany Scorzayzee, playing the (obviously automated) loops on the keyboard and singing in between Scorzayzee’s rap verses.

Later in the evening, Le Donk receives a call from Olivia’s boyfriend as she has gone into labour. Le Donk is at first reluctant to let Scorzayzee play the gig on his own, worried that he would not be able to handle the keyboards. (“It’s a lot of beats”) Le Donk then admits he is not required and that Scorzayzee is “the talent.” Le Donk drives back to Nottingham and meets his baby son, and Olivia convinces him to travel back to Manchester to play.

The following afternoon, the two take to the stage at Old Trafford and play one song with the crowd reacting well to Scorzayzee’s rapping but seemingly bemused by Le Donk’s lyrics, which begin “Just calm down Deirdre Barlow, just calm down Stephen Hawking.”

It’s a lot of beats

Just calm down Deirdre Barlow, just calm down Stephen Hawking.