Up the Chastity Belt 1972

Two royal births set the stage for a wild, comic epic: Lurkalot [Frankie Howerd] and Richard the Lionheart [Frankie Howerd] arrive in a realm ruled by eccentric nobles and roving fate. But danger arrives early when the ambitious Sir Braggart de Bombast [Bill Fraser] and his faction abduct young Lurkalot and dump him in a forest to die. Fate takes a strange turn when a pig-owning family connected to Sir Coward de Custard [Graham Crowden] rescues him, and Lurkalot’s life becomes a curious mix of serfdom, makeshift invention, and village hustle. In this unlikely upbringing, Lurkalot hawks love potions, chastity belts, and odd contraptions to a village that’s more amused than impressed, while the mysterious voices that haunt him night after night try to whisper hints about his true identity, only to be drowned out by lightning and the bustle of everyday life.

As the grown brothers drift toward destiny, Richard—the more weary of the two—grows restless with the burden of rulership and embarks on a crusade that is less about conquest and more about escape from courtly boredom. Meanwhile, Sir Braggart de Bombast, seething with pride, covets Sir Coward’s lands and daughter and makes a tempting, arrogant offer that Coward politely declines. The taunting ends in a banquet, where Braggart refuses to toast Prince John, insultingly triggering a duel the victor would prize as Lady Lobelia [Anne Aston]—the daughter of Coward—as the trophy. Lurkalot, who stands outside the knightly order, steps forward as the “Man with no name,” and defeats Braggart’s champion, Sir Grumbel de Grunt [David Prowse], with an odd assist from a giant magnet. The duel is declared void, and war is proclaimed, sending Lurkalot and the captured Lady Lobelia fleeing to his workshop, where she is kept for protection behind a chastity belt.

Sir Coward, reeling from the escalation, deserts to join the crusades, leaving Lurkalot to follow the whispered guidance of his strange voices. The two converge on the Holy Land, where the crusades unfold into something closer to a bacchanal than a holy mission. Scheherazade [Eartha Kitt] remains a steadfast presence in Richard’s life as he pursues his own passions, while Lurkalot, ever inventive, repurposes unused weaponry to fashion more chastity belts and relishes the odd liberation of the women there, who push back in defiance. Richard’s escapades, and his bond with Scheherazade, push Lurkalot toward a moment of decisive action back home: he discovers that the crusade’s gloss hides a different motive, and the idea of justice begins to tilt toward reclaiming his own fate.

Back in Europe, Richard encounters a local woman in Germany and decides to settle there, jokingly tossing the crown to Lurkalot with a wish that he can be him if he looks the part. Lurkalot returns to his village to rally the people, but the moment of recognition—an old flying contraption among the escapees—lands him in trouble, and he’s accused of witchcraft. Ducking the mob, he is saved by Robin Hood [Hugh Paddick], who joins forces with Sir Coward, now emboldened by a new hookah-fueled resolve, to strike back at Braggart’s forces.

Conspiracies lead to another gamble: Richard flees England after an ignoble episode with his German lover, then returns only to encounter his twin guise in the eyes of the village, who mistake him for Lurkalot. A daring castle plot unfolds as Sir Coward feigns illness to slip inside with Lurkalot. The two become inseparable in a farcical twist of medicine, smoke, and improvised explosives—the so-called “gone powder” that bursts a door open and lets Robin Hood rally the assault. The castle siege crescendos in a duel between Sir Braggart and Lurkalot, where the truth is finally laid bare: Braggart is Richard’s twin brother, and the brothers’ fateful confrontation sweeps across the halls in a chaotic, comic melee. Braggart flees, disgraced, and Richard resumes his rule.

In the aftermath, order returns to the realm: Richard agrees to marry Lady Lobelia, and Lurkalot is knighted, stepping into a higher role while Lobelia’s affection remains a lively, undeniable spark. Richard’s return to Scheherazade marks a new balance between duty and desire, while Lurkalot, now a trusted knight, finds a place among the legends of the land. The kingdom settles into a curious harmony—frivolous yet affectionate, reckless yet hopeful—where two unlikely brothers, a clever serf-turned-innovator, and a cast of larger-than-life characters navigate a world that never quite behaves, but somehow keeps turning toward a brighter, if absurd, future.