Gay Meets Girl 2013

Tim den Besten and Nicolaas Veul are documentary makers and friends who set out to test the boundaries of their sexuality. Tim den Besten and Nicolaas Veul are convinced they’re gay men, but they decide to push beyond labels to explore whether bisexuality might describe more of human nature. The film follows their conversations, experiments, and the questions that arise as they challenge personal assumptions about attraction and identity.

From the start, the pair engages in candid discussions about what it means to be gay, including Tim’s history as a man who has never slept with a woman. Nicolaas pushes for Tim to consider experiences outside his defined label, sharing his own journey of realizing that sex with women didn’t erase his gay identity for him. This leads to a pivotal point in their dialogue: should Tim try sex with a woman to gain a deeper understanding of his own sexuality? The two debate the merits and risks of heterosexual experimentation, with Tim acknowledging that he has nothing to lose by trying, and Nicolaas stressing that social stigma should not bar someone from exploring sexuality.

The documentary broadens its lens beyond personal anecdotes. The filmmakers seek scientific and experiential context by visiting a sex coach to learn about heterosexual intimacy and female sexuality, and by visiting a bonobo habitat to observe bisexual behaviors in another species, which they hope might illuminate human flexibility. Along the way, science journalist Asha ten Broeke offers perspectives on the possibility that all humans may carry bisexual impulses, a notion that provides intellectual framing for the film’s central questions.

A key turning point arrives when Tim agrees to meet a pornographic performer in France known for exploring sexual boundaries. Judy Minx, a performer who has typically worked with straight men, expresses enthusiasm about engaging with a gay man to push the edges of sexuality and to challenge binary definitions of desire. The encounter is documented in full, as Tim and Judy explore a range of sexual experiences that test both partners’ comfort levels and curiosity.

The culmination of the film is the moment Tim experiences heterosexual sex with Judy in an unsimulated encounter. He tries vaginal sex, performs cunnilingus, and receives heterosexual fellatio for the first time, all while Nicolaas records the moment. Afterward, Tim shares his impression of the experience, high-fiving Judy and giving Nicolaas a thumbs-up, signaling a sense of accomplishment and relief at having completed what they set out to do. Tim later reflects that the experience was enjoyable and enlightening, yet he is clear that his attraction to men remains intact.

One month after the shoot, Tim is reinterviewed. He reiterates that trying heterosexual sex was a very positive experience and highly enjoyable, but emphasizes that his homosexuality has not been “cured.” He continues to feel romantic and sexual attraction toward men, underscoring the film’s broader aim: to challenge the rigid binary of gay vs. straight by observing ongoing sexual fluidity and bi-curiosity.

Throughout, the documentary treats sexuality as a spectrum rather than a fixed category, inviting viewers to consider how personal history, cultural expectations, and curiosity interact to shape desire. The filmmakers conclude that, in Tim’s case, the act of exploring heterosexual sex did not negate a lifelong orientation, and they frame this as a meaningful step in understanding how people experience sexual identity in a complex, evolving landscape. As Tim himself voices a pivotal takeaway, the idea that one can be gay and still have satisfying sex with a woman feels like a revelation, inviting a broader conversation about fluidity, choice, and self-awareness in human sexuality.